39. For some reason that number seems daunting. Next comes 40. In my final year of thirty I am ready to leave behind the struggles, difficult times and character strengthening moments. This year I want to bring in ease, flow and more of myself, oh and I might add in some wrinkle cream, it’s probably time.
I was speaking with a good friend the other day and she asked what I was doing for my birthday. I told, same thing I always do, take the day off work to think about my life. She responded with, I expect an insightful post! Geez, way to add pressure to the day! I don’t know how you like to spend your birthday, but I love being by myself. Having a whole day to do whatever I want, and quiet moments to myself. Today’s agenda includes a massage, decaf americano with a glorious carb filled treat, some thrift shopping, hot yoga and of course ending the night with Mark and a delicious meal. Perfect.
I think birthdays are sacred. I really do believe having a day to yourself to do whatever you want is so wonderful. If you haven’t tried it, you should. As I sit here thinking about this year, I realize how far I’ve come. Sometimes I forget how much has changed. Before I never had a reference point. January is a big month, it’s the start of the new year, my birthday and the month I met Mark. I was reflecting the other day how much has changed in the 5 years! When I met Mark I was living in a small East Vancouver apartment, making a quarter of the salary, living pay check to pay check, wondering if at the age of 34 I would ever find my forever person, and hustling hard. I loved that life, there was nothing wrong with it, but If I look where I/we are now, I honestly can’t believe it! We own a townhouse in North Vancouver, I make about four times the salary, but am still pursuing all of my passions, and I was lucky enough to meet my best friend who is also my lover, husband, confident and quite honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Maybe today, the start of my 39th year, can be the beginning of another 5 year cycle. I want this cycle to be all about ME. There is a growth within my life I am craving. I want to figure out if I can turn a passion into a job. I’d like to start working for myself more. I am exploring my wardrobe and style, and recently threw out 80 percent of my wardrobe to start over. I’d like to discover 39 year old Tijana. I feel we (Mark and I) have had some moments over the past couple years that have taken energy away from our life, and now it’s time to come back and focus on what’s important, me.
It’s never too late to reevaluate your life. I am always changing and growing. Age doesn’t determine where I am at in my life cycle. I get to choose. It’s a powerful thing to realize I am in charge of my own life. I get to determine how I feel within it, what I do and who get’s to be there. I’ve been going through a bit of a rough time lately, but as with all rocky patches there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mine was that I no longer GIVE A FUCK, but in a totally positive way. I’m over people pleasing, trying to do what is right, watching every word I say, striving to make more money, following the crowd, all of it. If I don’t stand up for myself, create my best life and take care of me, no one else will.
39 is the year of Tijana. Everyone on social media is talking about their word. And I mean EVERYONE. Come on people, do we all have to write about the same thing ALL the time? Ok that’s another post. Lol. My word for 2019 and my 39th year is, TIJANA. I am focusing on me.